7 Ways to Respond Biblically When a Trusted Believer Falls

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1. Remember that none of us is above temptation.

Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” We might like to think I would never commit that sin. Yet, when you and I are not constantly surrendered to the Holy Spirit, we are just as capable of any type of sin as the next person. Some believers might be more easily tempted toward emotional or sexual affairs, while others might be more susceptible to materialism, financial mismanagement, and greed. Others, still, may lack humility and meekness and be more tempted toward control, manipulation, and abuse of power. 

When you and I say “I would never sin in that way,” we put ourselves in the position of falling ourselves, maybe even in that particular area. Proverbs 16:18 warns: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (ESV).  Instead of thinking, I’d never do that, ask the Lord for a humble heart and to keep you not only from that temptation, but from thinking you’re infallible.

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2. Realize you and I sin too, but it likely won’t ever make the headlines.

Yes, Scripture tells us those who teach “will be judged with greater strictness” (James 3:1).  Teachers (and those who stand in the role of spiritually influencing others) are commanded to model a life of integrity and shepherd the flock, not fleece them; lead and direct them lovingly, not deceive them or live dishonestly. And yet, when our leaders fail, they need God’s love, compassion, and mercy—and grace from the body of Christ—just as much as you and I would, if we had sinned and it was announced in the media. 

Spiritual leaders who have fallen are people like you and me who face the same temptations that we do (1 Corinthians 10:13), but because they were well-known or led large ministries, their actions were under the spotlight. Their sin happened to be exposed by the media or someone who wanted to see them fall and then their betrayal hurt far more people. In cases where they admitted their sin under no coercion, we must ask ourselves, would I publicly admit to all that I’d prefer to keep hidden? 

You and I have certainly sinned in ways we wouldn’t want others to know about. So, a first reaction should never be “How could they?” but rather, “Except for God’s grace, I could be there too.”

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3. Refrain from making it about you and your inability to detect the sin.

It’s natural for us, after discovering a loved one’s sin or reading about a Christian celebrity’s fall, to think How did I not see this coming? or to blame ourselves for being blinded to their sin. 

Having been involved in ministry for more than four decades, I’ve seen many Christian leaders fall publicly. Some I’ve shaken hands with, most I’ve felt close to because of the spiritual mentoring I received from their spoken or published words. Some led ministries in my church and shared meals around my table. None of them showed any indication that sexual immorality or a lack of personal integrity was ever on their radar. 

For us to think, how could I not have known? is to give ourselves more credit than we deserve. Yes, we should pray for discernment and be on guard against those who might deceive us. But if we are blindsided by one’s sin, so were the people closest to them, who are hurting far more deeply than we are. Only God knows the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Ask Him to examine yours so you are never one who ends up deceiving and disappointing others in a similar way.

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4. Request an accountability partner so you don’t fall into the same situation.

During Jesus’ last supper with all 12 of His disciples, He told them that one of their own would betray Him that night and turn Him over to the religious leaders. Notice how they all didn’t point to Judas and say, “It’s him! We could tell from day one that he wasn’t the real thing!” To the contrary, none of them had any idea who among them would betray their Lord. Scripture tells us Peter asked John, who was sitting closest to Jesus, to ask Jesus who would betray Him (John 13:23-24). That indicates there was trust among them and a complete cluelessness about Judas’ intentions. 

Judas apparently kept his struggle silent. He didn’t share with others his disillusionment with Jesus, his doubts, or his temptations. And that’s what you and I can tend to do. We keep our struggles inside of us. 

When we talk with other believers about what we’re struggling with, that’s a first line of defense in safeguarding ourselves from following through with temptation or misguided thoughts. Talking about our struggles destroys the secrecy and invites accountability into our dilemma, addiction, or possibly devastating situation. 

Ask God to build accountability into your life by helping you talk with a trusted believer or two about your temptations and struggles so you aren’t the next statistic or the next Christian leader to disappoint someone else.

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5. Resist the urge to be critical; pray for that believer instead.

Scripture tells us, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body” (James 3:2 ESV). Because every believer is capable of grieving the Holy Spirit and disappointing others in the way they think or live, pray for a heart of grace, not a spirit of condemnation, when you hear of a brother or sister in the Lord falling. Just because a high-profile believer sins, and it goes public, does not mean they were never true believers. It just means that their sin was exposed and publicized more than yours or mine may ever be. I am not downplaying the seriousness of their offenses, just emphasizing that all sin and everyone’s sin is equally offensive to God. And none of us is above reproach.  

Pray for that person and their continued struggle.  Pray for their repentance and ensuing peace. Pray for their family and what they are going through, and for complete restoration, which only God can bring. Wouldn’t you want that for yourself if it were you who had fallen privately or publicly? 

I believe Satan targets those whose fall would have a wider range of devastation. Therefore, you and I need to encourage and pray regularly for our teachers, Bible study leaders, pastors, and ministry coordinators. Expand that list to your favorite Christian authors and podcasters. Pray for their personal integrity, for their strength to withstand temptation, for their continual surrender to the Holy Spirit in their public and private lives so they can finish well in their ministries. Encourage them to “run with endurance the race that is set before us” (Hebrews 12:1), and let them know you are there for them when they need help and support.

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6. Remember to keep your life in check daily.

Each time we read about or discover a grievous sin in another believer, it should be a reminder to pray for our own personal integrity. We are not to do this from a standpoint of pride by thanking God that we haven’t yet sinned in that way, but to humbly admit that we, too, could be the next to fall. When that marriage you thought was rock solid breaks up, pray that God will intercede and reconcile the couple and make you ever aware of anything that could cause your own marriage to crumble. When you hear of your friends’ adult children cutting off their parents and walking away from the Lord, pray a protective barrier around those adult children and pray for your friends who are experiencing heartache. Pray too, for your own children and your ability to show them unconditional love and grace regardless of their choices. Realize this could happen in your home at any time (if it hasn’t already), and it’s not God‘s punishment toward you; it’s the consequences of living in this fallen world. 

By being ever aware of our own weakness apart from the regenerative power of God’s indwelling Holy Spirit, we can live holy lives, pleasing our Father and refraining from disappointing others in a devastating way.

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7. Request a heart that desires Jesus alone.

The desire for personal affirmation, sexual gratification, money, power, fame and notoriety, and the admiration of others can turn our hearts away from Jesus so subtly that we never realize it until we’re caught up in a full-blown emotional or sexual affair, financial scandal, deceitful image management, or harmful addiction. A prayer I must return to daily is Psalm 73:25-26: 

“Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail [and so may the leaders I hold in high esteem],
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (ESV). 

O Lord God, fill our hearts with love and grace toward our brothers and sisters in Christ and remind us that only You are pure, only You are holy, only You can keep us from temptation, and only You can give us hearts to follow hard after You. 

For more on keeping your eyes on Jesus amidst heartache and betrayal, see Cindi’s books When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts and When God Sees Your Tears. 

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