5 Ways to Navigate Grief During Christmas

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1. Give yourself permission to grieve.

Grief doesn’t take a holiday when we do! In fact, it often increases its visitation and surprises us when we’re not expecting it. It’s an uninvited guest, but it comes all the same. Take heart! This isn’t the time to suppress it and stuff it away by ignoring it. It’s important to acknowledge the lament of your soul, and it’s woven throughout Scripture that God sees and recognizes our grief.

Pour out your hearts before him; God is a refuge for us.” —Psalm 62:8

This is a key verse as we consider grief during the holidays. We are here at Christmas to celebrate the coming of the Messiah, the Savior of the world, who is bringing the hope of life eternal! Especially if the ones you are grieving have a solid belief in Jesus, Christmas then becomes a time when we give ourselves permission to be sorrowful in the missing, yet find even more hope in the promise of what Jesus brought! What joy can be found there!

And for those of us who cannot grasp onto eternal hope for ones lost to the hope of salvation, there is, as stated in Ecclesiastes 3:4, "A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”

Give yourself permission to recognize your grief.

2. Give up the pressure to do “Christmas the same way.”

Sometimes with the holidays comes the remembering, and with the remembering comes the pressure to freeze time. This means holding fast to traditions, when perhaps introducing change is a step to healing.

While it can sound a bit harsh, starting new and fresh is not a bad thing. Reshaping traditions to fit those who are still with you is very important for them, and change is not a betrayal of the one you’re grieving, nor does it diminish their meaning in your life.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” Isaiah 43:18-19. God has always been engaged in changing our hearts and drawing us closer to Him. Clinging to the past can often hinder your healing process. Don’t be afraid to introduce new traditions.

3. Reframe Christmas as a season of presence.

This means it’s not a time to perform. Remembering the nativity, Jesus entered into a broken world. He didn’t avoid it, nor did He enter with kingly fanfare (which was certainly deserved); instead, He entered the world humbly, quietly, and focused on being with us.
 
"The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God with us’).” Matthew 1:23

God with us. With us! This is a time to draw close to Him, to seek His promises, His glory, and, as stated before, the joy of his eternal hope. Christmas marked the moment Jesus dwelt among us. The Word became flesh, and here He was. A quiet entrance, an intimate coming, a remarkable intention to save.

Follow Christ’s example this Christmas as you navigate your grief. Focus on being present. In this moment. Be with those around you and be careful to avoid the need to have a perfect Christmas that isn’t realistic. Share your memories, but remember your now, and the hope in your future! One that has been made possible by Jesus.

4. Allow faith to be simple.

Grief often holds hands with the belief that we need to bolster ourselves and be strong. But God meets us in our weakness, and even small, struggling, and broken faith matters. Silence and tears are valid prayers.
 
A beautiful Scripture was written by the Apostle Paul. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 

This means you are not to find your strength in order to approach God or to face your struggles. It, instead, means you collapse before the Lord in need of His strength.

Allow your faith to be that simple. To whisper at His feet, “I need you”, when your grief seems overwhelming. Crawl if you must, but go there. The simple beauty of brokenness in the healing shadow of a Savior who loved you during a season that celebrates His coming intent to save you? What a beautiful picture of hope. And not just a picture, but truth!

5. Look for hope.

Because it is there. It might grow slowly in your grief, and often, God infiltrates your grief quietly and gently, but He may also come at you full force. Don’t reject it if He does. Because the vehemence of His truth is so necessary to grasp as you navigate through grief.

He is the way, the truth, and the life! Life! Death has been overcome, and Christmas marks the very tangible beginning of that process through Christ Jesus. This brings hope. Hope eternal.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5

Don’t be afraid to hope. Sometimes, in our grief, we feel guilty if we find joy. If we laugh. Even if we, yes, hope. As though, in doing so, we are somehow disavowing our loyalty to the one who has passed away. To keep them alive, we must remain in our grief. But this is not so. Christ never asked us to remain in darkness. He has brought light into the world through His birth.

This Christmas, grief may be raw and real. It may fight to control you. It may disable and paralyze you. Grief may be the gnawing reminder of who is no longer there, and it may steal from you the possibility that a future is even worth looking toward.

Ultimately, consider that list just mentioned. Raw, control, disable, paralyze, gnaw, steal—those are not of Christ. Those are not consistent with the power that comes through the life-giving sacrifice Jesus made for us. Instead, He wants us to live in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control.

Christmas is a time to remember the truth of what Christ brought. As the shepherds found hope that night, so can you. The Lord comforts those who mourn, and one of the ways is by washing us with the evidence of the hope of who He is.

Remember, in your grief this Christmas, so too is Jesus. Hope. Truth. Hold on to that. Cling to that. Find strength in His strength and not yours. Allow yourself to change and grow. And when that tear slides down your cheek as you miss the one who is no longer at the dinner table, rest their memory in the hands of the Savior of the world.